{"id":783,"date":"2025-04-25T10:26:27","date_gmt":"2025-04-25T10:26:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/?p=783"},"modified":"2025-04-27T08:29:53","modified_gmt":"2025-04-27T08:29:53","slug":"it-isnt-always-a-sign-when-things-dont-go-your-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/2025\/04\/25\/it-isnt-always-a-sign-when-things-dont-go-your-way\/","title":{"rendered":"It Isn\u2019t Always A \u201cSign\u201d When Things Don\u2019t Go Your Way"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When was the last time you said it? Be honest. When you didn\u2019t get that job you interviewed for? It\u2019s a sign I should be writing my novel instead<\/em>. When that situationship failed<\/a> to blossom into something more permanent? It\u2019s a sign they\u2019re not The One<\/a><\/em>. When your housemate\u2019s birthday cake emerged from the oven with a soggy bottom and a severe bout of jaundice? It\u2019s a sign I\u2019m a terrible baker<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Perhaps it was in a fit of triumph \u2014 one of those rare moments when the universe seems to be winking at you, like finding the last dress in your size buried at the back of the sale rack. It\u2019s a sign I\u2019m meant to have it<\/em>. More often than not, though, we reach for these three little words when we feel as if life has let us down in one way or another. Like the platitudes beloved by nans everywhere \u2014 what\u2019s for you won\u2019t go past you; que sera sera; everything happens for a reason<\/em> \u2014 they are harmless enough on the surface, encouraging an optimistic, \u2018chin up\u2019 mentality in the face of routine setbacks and disappointments. But could relying too heavily on this way of thinking be preventing us from moving forward with our lives?<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we frame setbacks as \u2018signs\u2019, we\u2019re often trying to make sense of something that hurts,\u201d says Taz Thornton<\/a>, an award-winning business and empowerment coach, speaker and bestselling author. \u201cIt\u2019s a coping mechanism. If we can convince ourselves that a disappointment is somehow part of a bigger plan, it can soften the blow. It gives us a sense of control over something that otherwise feels chaotic and unfair.\u201d \u2018Chaotic and unfair\u2019 is a good way to describe the first few months of 2025. In the US, Donald Trump has slashed foreign aid, laid off thousands of federal workers and thrown financial markets around the world into turmoil, while in the UK, Keir Starmer\u2019s government has tabled welfare cuts that will harm the poorest and most vulnerable in society. Meanwhile a loaf of bread costs two quid, the job market has tipped drastically in favour of employers and it remains all but impossible to buy a house. Against such a turbulent backdrop, is it any wonder that a report published by Channel 4<\/a> at the start of the year found that only 60% of 13 to 27-year-olds feel in control of major aspects of their lives? Can anyone blame us if we try to impose a modicum of control wherever we can?<\/p>\n

The problem with understanding our setbacks as part of a bigger plan is that it may lead to us getting stuck. \u201cIt stops us asking the hard questions,\u201d says Taz. \u201cWhat could I have done differently? What can I learn here? Where do I need to grow?<\/em> It can also breed a kind of learned helplessness, where we start waiting for life to tell us what to do instead of being proactive and taking responsibility for our own path.\u201d Let\u2019s go back to that unsuccessful job interview. You could interpret it as a sign that you should be doing something else with your time, perhaps something you feel more passionate about, which may well be true. But end the debrief there and you overlook other possibilities \u2014 does your interview technique need work? Could you have spent a little more time beforehand researching the role or the company? \u2014 which might stop you getting the next job, or the next.<\/p>\n

It can also create a fear of failure, says child and family therapist and mental health advocate Cai Graham<\/a>. \u201cViewing failure as a sign of being on the wrong path can make us more hesitant to take risks or step outside our comfort zone.\u201d It can be deeply uncomfortable to acknowledge our failings \u2014 even to ourselves \u2014 but it is only by doing so that we can break patterns that no longer serve us and embrace fresh ways of thinking. Confronting failure helps us become more resilient, too, adds Cai. \u201cPart of building resilience is learning how to adapt and bounce back. If we always externalize setbacks, we miss the chance to strengthen that skill.\u201d<\/p>\n

The extent to which a person externalizes setbacks may come down to whether they have an internal or external locus of control. \u2018Locus of control\u2019 explains the degree to which you feel you have control over your life. If you have an internal locus of control, you believe in your own influence over life events and are confident that your actions have a direct effect on your personal outcomes. Conversely, if you have an external locus of control, you attribute your personal outcomes to fate and factors beyond your control. There is research to suggest that people with a stronger internal locus of control are generally happier and healthier than those with a more external locus of control. This is not to say, however, that a belief in things like fate, chance \u2014 even your horoscope<\/a> \u2014 can have a negative impact on your life. The opposite can be true, too.<\/p>\n

A study<\/a> published in 2011 in Social Psychological and Personality Science<\/em> found that belief in an external locus of control acted as a protective factor for people coping with the death of a spouse. The researchers followed widowed individuals for four years before and after the loss and discovered that those who believed in chance or fate experienced a considerably smaller decline in life satisfaction in the year of the death than those who did not share the same belief. We may not be talking here about anything as extreme as the death of a partner but Cai agrees that when a situation is especially painful or feels genuinely out of our control, interpreting what has happened as a \u2018sign\u2019 can be helpful.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn those moments, the idea of a \u2018sign\u2019 can act as an emotional anchor. It gives people a way to cope when rational explanations fall short or when searching for personal responsibility would only deepen their pain.\u201d The key, says Cai, is to recognize when this way of thinking is supporting your healing and when it may be stopping you from moving forward. \u201cWhen we use it to soothe, that\u2019s human. When we use it to avoid or stay stuck, that\u2019s when it can become limiting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sticking with fate for a minute, let\u2019s turn our attention to the zodiac \u2014 the interpretation, after all, of a very particular set of signs. Offering insight into matters as diverse as dating, careers, money, health and friendships, a lot has been written about the popularity of horoscopes among Gen Z and millennials in particular. Like the platitudes we mentioned at the start of this article, they are harmless enough as a jumping-off point for self-reflection or a fun topic of conversation in the group chat. However, one (admittedly quite old) study from 1986<\/a> found that people seek out predictions that fit in with their horoscope and ignore those that do not \u2014 research that supports the findings of a slightly later study, from 1995<\/a>, which suggested that belief in astrology can limit personal growth as horoscopes become a self-fulfilling prophecy.<\/p>\n

Taz says that the same thing can happen if we abdicate responsibility for our actions by framing our setbacks as \u2018signs\u2019. \u201cGrowth demands ownership. If we\u2019re constantly outsourcing our life direction to \u2018signs\u2019, stars or anything else, we\u2019re not fully stepping into our own power. Belief systems themselves aren\u2019t the problem \u2014 it\u2019s how we use them. If they\u2019re a tool for reflection, great. If they\u2019re an excuse to stay stuck, not so great.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cai agrees that interpreting a disappointment as a \u2018sign\u2019 can easily translate into a self-fulfilling prophecy. It\u2019s actually a really common pattern, she says. \u201cIf we decide a bad outcome means we\u2019re not good at something, we might avoid trying again, which only reinforces the belief.\u201d Say you bake a cake, having never baked before, and for whatever reason it turns out dreadfully. Instead of seeing it as a one-off mistake or something to learn from, you take it as a sign you\u2019re a bad baker and vow not to pick up a mixing bowl again. It becomes part of your identity. \u201cOver time,\u201d says Cai, \u201cthis kind of thinking can chip away at confidence and limit growth \u2014 not just in baking but in anything where we fear failure.\u201d<\/p>\n

So how do we get out of the habit of interpreting our setbacks and disappointments as \u2018signs\u2019 and take back control of our lives? The first step, says Taz, is to notice it. \u201cAwareness is everything. When something doesn\u2019t go our way, instead of asking, What is this telling me?,<\/em> we can start asking, What is this teaching me? <\/em>That tiny shift moves us from passive to active.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to acknowledge the discomfort, adds Cai. \u201cSit with the disappointment instead of immediately looking for an external explanation. It\u2019s unsettling but sitting with your emotions helps you process.\u201d Once you\u2019ve done that, you can start to reframe failure as feedback and identify the actions you can take to move forward. \u201cInstead of seeing setbacks as signs of personal inadequacy or fate being against you, reframe them as opportunities for improvement.\u201d It\u2019s all about building a growth mindset, she says. \u201cStart seeing challenges as opportunities to learn and grow, not just obstacles. People with a growth mindset understand that their skills can improve with effort and persistence.\u201d Try not to get disheartened if you encounter further bumps in the road and celebrate progress, not perfection, remembering that it isn\u2019t always a straight line. <\/p>\n

Finding meaning in the things that happen to us every day is part of the human experience. No one is suggesting you didn\u2019t see the breakup coming because a lonely magpie landed on his doorstep just as you reached for the bell. But let\u2019s try to be the driver of our own car, not the passenger. As Taz says: \u201cReal empowerment comes from knowing we\u2019re not puppets on a cosmic string. We can honour our intuition, stay open to guidance and still take ownership of our choices. That\u2019s where the real magic is \u2014 not waiting for a sign, but learning to trust ourselves enough to be<\/em> the sign.\u201d<\/p>\n

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When was the last time you said it? Be honest. When you didn\u2019t get that job you interviewed for? It\u2019s a sign I should be writing my novel instead. When that situationship failed to blossom into something more permanent? It\u2019s a sign they\u2019re not The One. When your housemate\u2019s birthday cake emerged from the oven Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":785,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-783","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fashion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/783","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=783"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/783\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":786,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/783\/revisions\/786"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/785"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=783"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=783"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.habitaliaimobiliaria.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=783"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}